elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
