I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
