There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
