I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize