walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
