I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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