by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
