can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
