..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
