I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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