Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
