The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
