I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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