When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
