Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
