Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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