You're my little dorito
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
