she looked like the bat from fern gully.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
