And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Randomize
