She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
