HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
