my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
