he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
