Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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