I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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