Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
