I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
