Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
