I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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