that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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