sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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