New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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