We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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