Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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