when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
