i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
