ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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