yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize