Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize