He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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