i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
They took my balls.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
