Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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