Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
