I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
