final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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