I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
