Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
