we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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