Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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