everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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