He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Shame - the story of my life.
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