She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
