I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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