took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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