2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
