I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
