My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
