I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
