Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
