Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I need moral support for this bender
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
