I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
