At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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