I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
