Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
