I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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