I want to have your abortion
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
