My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
