The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
