so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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