She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
