Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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