Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
