Pants 0. Shit 1.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize