So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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