Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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