So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize