Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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