My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
