I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I can feel your judgement through the phone
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
