This is not my ceiling
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
someone owes me an orgasm
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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