Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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