hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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