We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
