Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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