wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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