I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
