I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
