I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
