did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
