When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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