If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
