I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
