Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
