dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
