I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
