Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
