Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i came on her dog
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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