It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
