Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
