when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
