My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
