New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
