apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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