it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
