hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize