do herpes really smell.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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