Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Acid is not a monday night drug
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize